Deprived of Colour – My trip overseas

A recent trip overseas introduced me to a whole new culture very far from the one I have engrossed my self in. For security reasons I cannot disclose where I went but it was a Muslim country with some very strict rules, which of course I abided by. Prior to my departure I had to learn a lot about local customs and culture as not to offend anyone and not to draw unwanted attention to my self.

It was very hot out there and I had to remain covered at all times just like the girls out there, this I was not looking forward too. I am always modest in the summer normally a vest (not the strappy kind and ¾ length jeans is about summery as I get but out there in 41 degree heat I was expected to wear long baggy trousers and long sleeve tops, I had no choice and didn’t argue it just meant my company had to let me go out on a spending spree which was nice!

But it wasn’t as bad as I thought, the heat was horrific but I did not sweat, it was odd, even with everything covered and a long pashmena to top it off it was good.

As expected the women were totally covered, some you could not even see their eyes, there was such a deprivation of colour. The men were all dressed in white Didhdasha (long floor length robe) with gahfiyah and Gutra (head dress) which looked wonderfully cool.

They all looked comfortable in what they wore but in the back of my mind I was thinking how many chose and how many were forced to wear it.

Some times when I wake up in the morning and see by big red puffy face the bags under my eyes and the once small wrinkles I had slowly deepening I wish I had the option to hide my face, but surly not every day?

But I wasn’t there for a cultural learning experience I was there to work and sadly did not get to see much apart from the journey to work and the hotel after work.  During my time there I rarely saw any working locals they were all like me not from these parts, a lot of Indians, Bangladesh and Philippians and theses were the only locals I interacted with, who were of course were not covered head to toe and were displaying signs of their own faith.

I had one night prior to departure were I ventured in to a local shopping mall (of course with my work college), this was a experience. Plenty of locals here, lots of normal boring western shops. Mc Donald’s absolutely everywhere. The mall turned in to a food hall with lots of Fruit, then fish, then meat hanging by their rear legs with the head still on rapped in a bag, a bit disturbing, as the heads are not normally on display at home. Live chickens balding with no beaks squashed in to a cage with the cockerel strutting around signing his song at every opportunity. Enough to make you go vegetarian.

We wondered more into town into a covered market, were we were pestered in to coming in to shops and buying a nice scarf, it was ok as I already had one I didn’t bother. Some fantastic dresses were on sale here the sort that are worn under the Abayaya, long, still modest and romantic. Some simple some had fantastic embroidery. I was tempted to buy one to add to my multi cultural wardrobe, but as I was not haggled I assumed non-Muslim girl buying Muslim dress was a big no no, but no harm admiring these amassing garments.

This place was a far cry to the colourful world that I have engrossed my self in it was strange and alien but I enjoyed my time all the same

I had fun saree spotting at the airport!

A occasion for wearing a saree is presenting its self tonight at the theatre and I don’t know if I can do it. My diet is ongoing and I don’t feel slimmer, just feel softer. I fear that the gorgeous Organza saree I have will miss out on another opportunity for a first outing. Will try it on when I get home and decide then… There is always the back one! Black is very slimming on me!

I can't answer this one, but will do my best!

I am also curious on why I am so interested in all things Indian. I think it is my school. I never had a religious education that half hour in every week was used for the Uncontrollable girls in my class to run riot and half the time had the teacher walk out.
As I get older and mix with more people in our multi cultural society I find my self totally naive to the cultural needs of others around me. I’m learning that it is just not religion but a way of life.
I love Indian food I think that is where it started. I was taken to a Indian Restaurant in Sutton and force fed Chicken Tika. Taking in the Indian Art and the Bollywood music around me. Going to see Michael Nyman Sangram with the Indian masters. Seeing all the sarees and salwars on the women in the high street and thinking how comfortable they must be to wear. Searching on the Internet and seeing how beautiful the sarees and salwars can be. Learning about the Ganesh and the many ways he got his elephant head, finding about Hinduism and then experimenting with real vegetarian Indian food. And now learning more about the daily life of a Hindu. it just hasn’t stopped and not too sure when it will.
As it stands at the moment is I don’t wish to be a Hindu I’m just very interested in Indian culture. For me, I feel if I should be Hindu, then should I not of been born into a Hindu family. There are a number of barriers also preventing me. The biggest I feel is the language barrier. I am severely dyslexic (which may explain a few spelling mishaps) learning a language has never been a good experience. I was pulled out of my French class when I was using French words in English text. Not only that, if you ever herd Derrick Trotter talking French I’m not too far from sounding like the female version of that! And the next biggest is knowing that I will properly never be taken seriously. Ive been told on a number of occasions that I must have been a Hindu in a previous life. I don’t like hearing that as if I was, what on earth did I do wrong to be born a non-Hindu!!!

I have learnt that a Hindu family have the most respect for each other. Take for example a recent event Rakhi, where the brothers swear to protect their sisters. I have two brothers, but we rarely communicate and I do feel that that has created a void of loss within me, and if I am quite honest I am very jealous of the Indian culture. I wish my up bringing had a bit more love and respect for each other and the divine in it. Of course there is a lot in the Indian culture I would like to not know about such as Sati (of course since out lawed) and the Caste system. I know it is not roses and as I continue to study nothing gets missed the good and bad!

I have no idea why I am so interested, I just am and I am enjoying it even though I am finding it hard to take in!

Now my head is really beginning to hurt!

I think I have overdosed on information what else can it be? Possibly my diet in between salads and tea, I must try and get some water down me.
On my third trip to the BAPS Shri Swaminarayan Mandir, Neasden, London. I brought a fantastic book. Hindu rites and rituals. I have been busy reading that. I have learnt many things in the first chapter about the Mandir, why and how they are built. On to the next chapter now Prand Pratishtha (Image consecration) a bit more intense and not so easy to follow, but getting there.
One thing that nothing is making too clear for me is the Swaminarayan way. Do all temples worship Bhagwan Swaminarayan or do they focus their attention on another or a certain god?
Is Hinduism segregated in to God worship and Swami worship? I’m confused. But sure I will find out!

Did you know that on the 21st September 1995 murti’s worldwide drank milk!


And that the flags on top of the temple represent a deity’s hair


A bell with out a handle is forbidden in rituals since is may augur misfortune (that’s my bell going in the bin then!)

The Hare Kristina movement is slowly coming together in my mind, and it is something I cannot get too excited about. Knowing that Krishna is the 8th incarnation of Vishnu surly shouldn’t at least acknowledged  I guess I have always liked the bigger picture and properly explains why I am always so confused with trying to see it all and understand it at once!
The reading shall continue only after my headache has subsided.

Janmashtami 2010 Watford Bhaktivedanta Manor

Before I got there I first went to see Aatri at the BAPS Mandir in Neasdon. My little boy who normally does not know what the word still and quiet really surprised me. He sat there and clapped away to the music and was pleased to see Ganesh. It had been a long journey it said an hour and a bit on the sat nav. However my friend tom does not calculate London’s traffic well
It was an easy drive from the Mandir to the Manor and I was shocked at the scale of it all. It was massive I had to cue to get in and park and there was so much Land. In side there were some fantastic Rangoi. The cows where the most healthy and friendliest I have ever encountered there were many stalls spread out around the areas.


I chose not to wear a Saree. I could see my son at some point pulling it off. I was kicking my self, as I did feel a bit of the odd one out! There were so many sarees there, of all ages. I don’t often see young women in Sarees and it was so nice seeing them all out in force.

I’m not too sure what I was expecting I do not know much about the Hare Krishna movement and how it works with Hinduism. What I was expecting were thousands of white people doing the stereotypical kind of thing. But I felt quite ashamed of even thinking that, as this was simply not the case. I was there very early and sadly I could not stay too long as I did not fancy the long journey home with the home time London Traffic.

There was a garden with stepping stones where you take the beads and walk 108 steps with 108 chants. Of course my son bounded from one to the other and then ran off leaving me stranded in the middle, what could I do! I did not mean to offend any one by abandoning it, hope no one took offence.

 I did feel like a outsider because basically I was, I went to a Hare Krishna festival not really knowing what it is all about. I have read chapters about Krishna and I’m half way through the Bhagavad Gita, which if I’m honest, I am really struggling with, but still I am a bit clueless. What is wrong with me, why do I have this inability to stop and ask?

Does a hare Krishna great Ganesh first? Why is Rama in the chant also? What are those little bags everyone had? Always questions. Was everyone there are Hare Krishna or is an event that involves both communities that is assuming there is a little bit of segregation. Please, teach me?

But yes, I did have a good time, but not a good opportunity to find out more about it. It was hot my son was running circles around me. But it was the lift I needed after the past few days of up set, which is another Blog altogether!

I will return to the Bhaktivedanta Manor during a more quieter time were I may find the courage to put my hand up and just ask!

So another outing with out a saree. Never mind. The next one is in the Diary to the theatre to see The People Romeo. Can’t wait.


For now I shall continue to read my books Hindu Gods and Goddesses and the BAPS book Hindu Rites and rituals!

I only took one Photo, this was the entrance
sorry about that!

Many thanks to all

Many thanks to Aamba for letting everyone know who I am; I was beginning to feel a bit by my self!
Thanks for all the comments also they mean so much. The photos down the side of this Blogg are of me, one of the better ones at least!

I have many outfits but like I said not many of them have left the house!

I would love to make my own Saree one day I’m working up to that one.

The opportunity is presenting its self for me to wear a Saree tomorrow as I have taken the day off work to travel up to Watford to visit Bhaktivedanta Manor which was donated to the Hare Krishna movement in the early 1970’s by former Beatle George Harrison http://www.krishnatemple.com/. Jasmashtami will be in full swing and I’m taking my little boy with me he is very lively and does nothing but run around, so I’m thinking a Saree will not be my best decision. Will see what the weather is doing.

I have no Idea what the Hare Krishna movement is but sure I will have the opportunity to find out tomorrow. If anyone can enlighten me before I leave I would be very grateful. Before I get there I hope to visit Neasden Temple www.mandir.org to witness Aarti again. The opportunity presented its self last Friday I ran all the way across London and missed it by three minutes. Most up set with my self!

Again, many thanks to all who are showing an interest especially those at work who are giving me the opportunity to defend my obsession!
I will be in touch soon hopefully with some photos of Jasmashtami and all that I have learnt.

Shopping for that Saree.



My experimental shopping on the internet is coming to its end, now that I appreciate what money I do have, I do not wish to waste it on something that looks heaven on earth on a supper skinny Asian beauty on the photograph but when it turns up on my door its nothing like the picture. Details missing, the blouse a totally different design and colour, the whole thing being poorly put together and badly stitched. I can’t be too angry, I brought the easy way, plus it’s always in the back of my mind. How old was the person that made this, how much did they get paid and what conditions do they have to live and work in? But then, if business were not put their way, what on earth would they be doing instead. School of course, or adult learning some hippy tells me, yes, that’s good, but who pays for it?


Its getting a high profile debate child workers, like with any argument there are two sides, and with this issue I think the world is sat on the fence. I do my bit; I have plans to raise some money for Pratham Books in November, if all goes well possibly two thousand pounds. A lot of money for me but for the Charity, nothing that won’t fix anything over night. Every little helps I guess. It may make me feel better about ordering off the Internet, but for how long?
Recent excursions to London around the Wembley area are becoming more frequent and I can often be found with my nose pressed up against the window dribbling with the shear beauty of some of the shops. The amount of choice in some of these shops is overwhelming. Suddenly what you have spent the best part of 10 years of looking at on the internet wishing you could try on is in front of you and you are forced to make a choice, what one do you buy!!


I went to London with the rose tinted specks on. I had a whole day planned out to visit Ealing road spend the day walking down it browsing through the shops wondering aimlessly around, pop in and see that temple, have lunch in one of the many vegetarian restaurants there and come home with something amazing from one of the many saree shops. As a precaution I left with cash. If I took a card, it could have been dangerous


Sadly my day went nothing like that.


There is a different shopping culture to be found here that I have not found anywhere else. When I shop I like to be left alone, the friendly question “do you need any help” from customer services is obituary for today’s customer care policies, but is always dismissed as I am more than capable of seeing for my self what are socks and what are corn flakes. I do tend to avoid the smaller shops, they are for me, very intimidating, before you go in you already know that you are the only customer in at that time. And the question will be defiantly asked, with maybe, “are you looking for anything in particular?” then if your admiring anything, “That colour looks fantastic on you” when you know dam well it doesn’t, Its in the sale rack because its is gaudy and disgusting and I’m only picking it up to see who had the guts to put their name on it! Shops like Ryman stationeries I used to avoid also, to be greeted with a shopping basket shoved in your arms put me off instantly


With the larger shops on Ealing road I saw that you did need assistance. The sarees were behind counters or stacked in high selves in a rainbow of colour. The Smaller shops they were displayed on hangers and accessible, but then I had my small shop dilemma. When you shop for a saree, you can not go in and hope you find something, you are asked what special occasion is it for, “have you been invited to a wedding” No in-fact I just want to buy another one to wear behind closed doors because I love them.


“What colour?” I don’t know, there’s so many here, I was hoping to find one that worked for me.
At this time the mood changed and I’m sure I was tagged as a time waster, being alone, white and not too sure what I wanted and for no particular reason I am not surprised. In one particular large shop I was overwhelmed by choice, all I knew is that I wanted a silk Saree, with out too much bling and traditional. Before I knew it I had twenty around me and none that I really really wanted. I thought silk being opaque would be the exact thing I needed to keep my previously mentioned not so best friend (gut) covered .As I stood there looking in the mirror with a expensive saree haphazardly draped around me it didn’t look so good. Thick and bold, and too much of one colour. I tried all sorts of colours, sadly orange is out as well as pink, white as well, I was left with some greens and blues and learnt that this particular shop needed Bling on every inch of every sari for them to be able to stock it. Being fair skinned with a big blotchy red face has limited me to dark colours but the shop assistant who insisted on helping me did not really help at all. They were rude, blunt and were more occupied watching the real customers who were there for their weddings and parties and offering them drinks. I was most upset. Was I a timewaster? Yes because I did not buy anything from this shop. But it could have been very different if they hadn’t of been so rude and maybe a bit more helpful.

This incident made me want to cry, why? What happened in there, what did I do wrong to warrant so much hostility? I look for the obvious reason. I am white, and should not be in a Saree. Regardless of how much I love them or how much money I was willing to pay to own another.

I did not find the Temple, I was later to find out that it was still being built at this time


One good thing, the food was fantastic


The second trip I came armed with my Boyfriend and the same particular big shop I had the same sort of reception in there, still too much bing, too much choice and not a lot of help. I sort shelter in a smaller shop after forcing my self to go in, I was going to buy something. Initially I felt like the proprietor had pigeon holed me as a time waster, she scoffed at my budget showed me where the sale rack was! Tears brimmed in my eyes; this clearly was not to be. She showed me a bright aqua saree really not my thing. Was she was being very blunt, rude and obnoxious? She asked me if I liked it
“No. I don’t”


And I continued to look for my self. After I found the Organza saree, she warmed up to me maybe because she could smell a sale, or maybe because she could see that I did have some taste. (I like to think the latter) I guess it is odd for any retailer to have someone like me through the door. Someone who doesn’t know what they want for no particular reason, just want to buy one to add to a growing collection and at the same time look great on. Sarees are maybe not really worn every day or for the sake of it any more, always for an occasion and very special occasions, or never.


After a shaky first impression my eyes opened up to the rest of the shop out side of the sale rail. This was a very excusive shop. Where you come to have a saree made for you not just to buy one. There were exclusive designs fit for a Bollywood première, or any première for that matter, Indo-western dresses and designs in the making for the lucky Sri-Lankan bride to be. She showed me a folder of all her work, all of it beautiful. If I was, or what I should be saying, when I get married, this will be my first stop for my wedding dress. I let her talk about how to wear a saree where to pin it, sadly I did not learn anything new but let her continue all the same before purchasing the Black and mustard yellow Organza beauty. Plain, simple, no bling, comfortable for everyday wear and smart enough for a formal do all at the same time.


I am to return to Wembley this weekend this time for a purchase that is necessary, I need a Lengha Choli as I have been invited to a dance to celebrate Nivratri in October. I’m not as keen on lenghas as I am sarees but now I have a purpose rather than a for sake of it purchase. I hope not be looked upon as a time waster. However, I will be still at a loss on what colour, style, work and the rest.


Boyfriend is excited because he gets to go back and have some more fantastic food and buy a tawa pan and look in the food shops that stock items that can not be found local to home. He is a very good cook. I’m sure he will use it often.

My outings in a saree… Lack of

As already discussed in Introduction, I have only worn my sarees in public on only a handful of occasions. Tonight, is going to be another occasion, but sadly I am not leaving the house. My loving boyfriends parents happen to be coming to my home tonight for dinner, which happens to be a curry. Not my doing the Boyfriend is cooking. He has suggested that I wear my recent Organza purchase. Just the thought of it has put a little grimace on my already wrinkled face. My boyfriend’s parents are amassing. They are the sort of parents that only exist in happy house hold text books, they are the parents I never had, they are still together for a start, they love and care openly and not just when something bad happens. They live down the road and I consider them to be some of my closest friends. There is a huge age gap between us of course, and this whole Indian fashion thing I have going on I’m sure they are not overly frilled about and find it just a little bit too strange. The lack of interest shown by his mum is reflected in her silence, and all I get from is father is “where is your dot on the forehead?” It can’t be helped, they are of that generation just missing the big hippy movement and did not have the privilege of being a bit more adventitious and open minded. Also, I’m not too sure I have the strength again to defend the Bindi yet again!

 The times I have worn the saree I have been adorned with complements, which when I get normally say in the times at work I have made an effort with normal office clothes on the rare occasions my tool box is not required for a certain job, these complements are dismissed or thrown back with “Can’t you see how fat I look in this!” or “I don’t feel nice” or “Well done your right they are not overalls!” or “P*** Off you pervert!”. To have a complement about me wearing my saree means so much to me, not one is forgotten and always treasured. I have had complements from all sort of people of all ages and it would be nice to conduct a study.


A lot of Indian women have loved it. Commented on how well I where it and where I got it from who dressed me


A lot of Indian men said I looked beautiful. One wanted me to join a saree design project, but after I told him I had a boyfriend I would love a Sari designed for my wedding day, funny enough I never heard from him again


Some white women said it looked lovely


White men, nothing, not a word, just strange looks, kind of like a face sucking on a lemon. My neighbour had a fantastic opportunity to comment but instead just stood in the shared hall way with a look on his face shouting “What the Hell are you doing!”

 The best complement I ever received was from a 12 year old Indian girl who told me how jealous she was of me as she was too young to wear a saree. I did feel for her, and hope that when she is of age, she still wants to wear a saree.


To be honest. Only one-opinion matters and that is of my boyfriend. He took me on knowing that I had this passion, and he has fully accepted it but kindly reminds me that I am not in fact Indian. I guess if he hadn’t of accepted he wouldn’t be my boyfriend. It is fantastic having someone now to help me choose the right colour and design, another opinion. A lot of my early sarees have a lot of work in them, lots of ‘Bling’ and sparkles, with his help I have found that even the simplest saree can look like a million pounds on me. He is even better at pleating them than me!


I feel for me, a chunky white girl, to wear a saree has to be for a special occasion but I simply do not have enough of those. My next special occasion is to the Theatre to see The Peoples Romeo Tara Arts Presents - The People's Romeo, The Drum - Tickets for Asian events, clubs and nightlife. Latest Asian theatre and concerts. Buy tickets online.


After that Nivrati celebrations which I have been kindly invited to attend the dance, then there is this year Christmas do which regardless of dress code I will be wearing a saree.


I’m sure I’m just being a bit impatient, these are excellent opportunities to were a saree most have the Indian twist, but for me its not enough. I simply want to be in one every day!


Looking at the practicality of it, it would be impossible. I’m an engineer. Steel toe capped boots will not look great. Working at heights, the harness will seriously crumple up everything. Normal working, my Pallu would possible get caught up in some equipment heat exchanger fan and write of some very expensive equipment but more importantly the saree would get damaged. Anyway, the hard hat and high visibility jacket would simply not go.


And with like most infatuations, hobbies and interests, if you perused them 24/7 would they still be as much fun?


So for now, my Sarees are reserved for those special occasions and for behind closed doors. If I could get the courage I’m sure they could have the odd weekend with me now and then.